Primal
by malkavsdevoted
Summary: Gaara of the Sands...killer...demon...shinobi...how does such a one find redemption? In the wake of his loss to Uzumaki Naruto he must struggle with that very question. Rated for future content. Reviews are welcome.


Eulogy

Love...what does it mean? To give it makes you vulnerable unable to stand alone. Each of your precious people another tool for your enemies to use against you. Love restrains the killing hand of the shinobi saving another life best ended.

And yet to never love is to be weak.

The young shinobi sat on the roof's peak caressed by the moon's loving touch, an angel contemplating his fall. A crown of crimson hair contrasted the profile of marble below marred only by the jet shadows clinging to his eyes. Death's symbol, tattooed in blood's livid likeness, rode high on the left of his visage. His clothes are the simple loose black garments of any desert dweller save for the gourd across his back - a gourd almost large enough to contain his form if not his sins. Weary beyond mortal comprehension the angel held his head as if to ward away the sleep he had foregone these thirteen years.

"Gaara?" my brother's voice sought me from the edge of our home's roof.

Kankurou, wrapped in the dark bodysuit he always wore, stood casually by the thirty foot drop. At fourteen he is the middle child of our little family and, along with our older sister Temari, charged with keeping me under control.

"What is it, brother?" where once my words dripped with bloodlust only weariness remained.

"It's time."

Even his fear of me no longer tasted sweet neither did his sorrow of this day; a day I should be celebrating. Today the Hidden Village of Sand buried the Kazekage - our father - slain by the treacherous snake Orochimaru. I cannot share his pain at that man's loss. Because of him we were never allowed to be children. Because of him our mother is dead.

Because of him I am a monster.

"Are you allright, Gaara?" my brother spoke concerned by my immobile silence as minutes passed "You haven't been the same since he...since we returned from Konoha?"

"You were about to say 'since he beat you' weren't you, Kankurou?" For the first time tonight I raised my head and set my sights on him "Since I was defeated for the first time by Uzumaki Naruto?"

Brother paled as my tone hardened into a sword's edge but my anger isn't directed at him. All those years of hatred - of killing! - and I have been blind to the falseness of that path. My siblings who cared for me had been seen as obstacles in my way. Till Uzumaki Naruto defeated my hatred with his desire to protect his 'precious persons'.

Rising, I moved towards Kankurou only speaking when I drew abreast of him "You need not fear me. Neither you or Temari need to."

Eyes widening he stammered the unexpected words hitting home "O..of course."

I nodded and began striding down the building side. He came rocketing past leaping carelessly to the brick below. Kankurou landed easily next to Temari who waited for us. Neither spoke.

The moment I set foot upon the ground we began our journey. Past empty homes and shops that had never known my presence. Over streets that whispered echoes of their hate to me.

Monster...demon...

The streets may whisper but the people are not so kind.

Soon the village opened before us into a great plaza leading past the Kazekage's Manor to the temple. Every living resident of the Hidden Sand - shinobi and commoner alike - lined the path wrapped in funereal kimono's. Thousands of eyes turned towards us but we paid them no mind focused on what lay ahead.

A low cedar platform held his form before the temple, shimmering in the flickering torchlight. Clad in the robes of the Kazekage bearing the symbol of the Sand upon his brow he seemed to sleep. A luxury he denied me.

Must I die before I can rest?

That walk lasted centuries. Each step a struggle with our father's memory who, even in death, holds us still to the paths he lay for us. Temari and Kankurou warring with their need to honor the Kazekage as an institution and the hatred borne for our father. I expected joy but I felt nothing. Not the grief of an orphaned child nor even the malicious exultation of Mother. Simply nothing. My hatred had fled and with it the only feelings I ever had for the man we called father. Every step taken lasted a year till we stood silently before him for the final time.

Baki - our instructor and jounin of the Sand - stepped forward. He, too, wore the oufit of mourning though his ever present desert headgear still graced him obscuring the left side of his face.

"We have gathered here because of one man's vile acts against our village."

Orochimaru...one of the Leaf's Legendary Sannin.

"This vile act began with a murder - the murder of our beloved Kazekage."

Beloved? Half the shinobi here would have slit his throat if it suited their purposes. He was as much a monster as Shukaku.

"And then he impersonated him. Ordering our co-operation with the Hidden Village of Sound and for us to attack Konoha. The village that spawned the monstrous creature."

The crowd began to roil tempers flaring. Not out of any righteous anger but rather injured pride and that is truly father's legacy. Pride and unbridled arrogance are his trademarks and they feed off of it. Swallowing his poison with a smile.

More the fools they. Shinobi enchanted with their own superiority lead brief lives.

"Let this day be a declaration of war against the Sound and their master Orochimaru."

No one cheered but many eyes shone with a new light. Revenge promised to soothe their egos under a guise of justice. Now the arrogance masqueraded as the desire to punish Orochimaru for his crimes.

Hypocrites. These people are the same who threw rocks at a small child and called him a monster. Once I learned to kill they learned the beauty of silence. Willingly or not.

Baki stepped back into the circle of elders arrayed in a crescent beyond the platform. His job is done. Now it's our turn.

"I honor my father as he honored his father before him." Temari spoke forming the seals of the crematory ninjutsu Bakemonoka no Jutsu "With this shade flame I free his spirit of the mortal coil."

Scarlet light pulsed from the wraith flames lashing at the oil soaked wood, devouring dead flesh and wood together.

Brother stepped forth "I honor my father as he honored his father before him. With this shade flame I send his spirit to it's final resting place."

His flame burned blackly sucking in the scarlet light before revealing an image amidst the smoke. His image.

Knowing that was going to happen did little to disipate the shock as he appeared. Hard disapproving eyes raked over everyone present before settling on his three children. Temari and Kankurou dismissed quickly in his arrogance but I held his attention. Where my siblings quaked I stood my ground.

If Shukaku cannot defeat me no mere ghost ever will.

Long minutes passed before the shade flame consumed it's meal. Minutes spent in reverie with a man who had died unloved by even his own children. In reverie with a man who sacrificed the only woman to ever love him to bind a demon into their child.

The fire guttered out leaving only bitter ashes, ash that it is my duty to join with the sands of our homeland. To return him to the earth that gives us all birth. A sacred bond between a ruler and his lands.

I am the sands and I will have no part of this.

My siblings watched as the silence drew out already aware of my choice and finding no reason to fault it. No one had suffered more at his hands than I.

Shukaku...Mother...the assassins...go to hell, father.

Turning my back I left them waiting for rites that will never come. Angered comments and whispered curses followed in my wake but I kept walking. My silence answered their questions.

What else should a demon do?

Author's Note: This takes place shortly after the Chunin Exams but long before the chase after Sasuke. Ideas on new stories is welcome as is every form of critique, review, or praise that you can muster. It's good for my ego.


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